Men

Readership, I recently saw something that upset me greatly. I'll reproduce it for you below.

"Male: the cause of global warming and everything else bad that happens on earth; A walking idiot with a penis - true. but that is only the begining of their definition. assholes. God had to be a man because only a man would create more retards of the same kind. If God was a woman, we wouldn't have men walking this Earth. i stopped believing that there are decent guys out there just because there isnt. read my definition. men are the cause for global warming. you ask why? that makes no sense. okay look at it this way.what is global warming caused by? garbage. EXACTLY why men cause it. MEN are GARBAGE. end of story."

I'll withold the name, because I'm a nice guy (despite what this person believes about nice guys no longer existing).

As you should know, Waldy and I have predicted the Fall of Man will come upon us by the hand of Vagina. You might see that and think "well shit, looks like this person might have a point, asshole."

And you'd be wrong.

While men might be assholes - while MOST men might be assholes - MOST of them didn't start that way. Men can take a lot of abuse (how do you think we survived the stone age? men had to kill sabretoothed tigers and shit to feed the family), but constant abuse from women (I'm talking emotional . . . for the most part) is what breaks a man. I'm not saying all women are bitches, just like I'm not saying all men are assholes. It's like everything else. There are nice women, and nice men, and there are bitches, and there are assholes.

Not to toot my own horn, but I consider myself a very nice guy. I hold the door open for women (regardless of attractiveness), I don't lie to girlfriends, I don't cheat, and I've never had a girl for a one night stand. What has that gotten me?

My girlfriend junior year of high school told me we were going on a "break" and made it abundantly clear that we were going to get back together at some point in the near future, when knowing full well she had no intentions of doing so. My girlfriend senior year cheated on me repeatedly with a mutual friend and lied to me about it. After visiting my first girlfriend freshman year of college in her home state for New Years at her request (and because I wanted to be with her), we got back and she professed she had feelings for a mutual friend, for whom she left me. The aftermath of that was pretty ugly. After breaking up with my girlfriend sophomore year of college - something I did, mind you, because I saw how unfair it was for her being in a relationship where she wasn't getting nearly as much back as she was putting in - some really terrible shit went down, and my life was literally almost pulled out from under my feet, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Let me stop right here for a moment and say this, and know that I mean it: Every situation I just mentioned has been resolved. I'm cool with every girl I just mentioned, or at least I'd like to think so. I can text/AIM/whatever every one of those girls and it would be okay. Sparks wouldn't fly. I had sushi with the second girl I mentioned before I got back to school, I have a class this semester with the third girl I mentioned (a class which sucks major dick, by the way), and while I'll admit I don't talk to the last girl I mentioned very much, it's not because I don't like her or I think she hates me or anything.

The point is, after ALL THAT, I'm still the same good guy. Much to the surprise of many of my friends, who have seen me unhappy and crushed because of a girl and been upset by it, I'm still the same good guy. I still don't cheat. I still hold doors open for women. I still respect women.

But that's me. And a few other guys. Not everybody can take the shit and walk away with a smile, and THAT'S where the assholes come in. I'm not saying that there aren't some guys who were just BORN assholes, because there are. I'm just saying that not every one of us is an asshole, and that while it's not an excuse for assholery, most of the assholes were made that way by girls. You girls have much more of an effect than you could possibly ever know. That's why, sadly regardless of whatever efforts Waldy and I can muster, you and yours will one day take over the world.

But yeah.

Just had to get that off my chest.

Stay classy