The Fall of Man . . .

. . . will start with Vagina. Now, I'm sorry for all my female readers, and please don't get it twisted: I like Vaginas. One might go so far as to say I love them. But Vaginas will be the cause of the fall of man. Evidence? Oh I've got plenty.

First off, provided by Waffles: Go to Google Images. Type in "Fall of Man" (sans quotes). Hit enter. What do you see? Just in case you're a lazy fuck, click here.

What is this? It's a painting of Adam and Eve. Eve's being all sexy and whatnot, trying to convince Adam to eat the fruit of the tree, fruit that God expressly forbade them both to eat. The conversation probably went a little something like this:

Eve: Mmmm! Eat this, this shit's bangin' as fuck!
Adam: Nah, babe, God told us not to. Chill.
Eve: C'monnn, please? For me?
Adam: Baby, God said not to, and I kinda like it here, so no.
Eve: Listen motherfucker, you're gonna eat this apple or you're never gonna get any pussy outta me ever again!
Adam: Fiiiiine . . .
GOD: WHAT THE FUCK I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT THAT! GET THE FUCK UP OUT MA GARDEN FOOLS! AND YOU'RE BOTH NEKKID!
Adam: Dammit bitch!
etc.

It started before there was even more than one Vagina in the entire world! And now that there are so many more, I shudder when I wonder how much longer we'll last. Because the fact of the matter is, women don't need dicks to survive and be happy in the same way that guys need Vaginas to do the same, and although not all of them know it, enough of them DO know to pose a slight problem. I mean, don't get it wrong, I completely agree with Eddie Murphy on the subject of how much chicks love sex. To paraphrase: "There is not one woman that would say no to a nice stiff one in her if it were offered right now." I mean, I'm sure even nuns get the urge to get a dick in 'em every now and then, but they're just better at mastering the urge than the rest of the women of the world.

You want a more modern example? Look at Oprah. Oprah is a very successful, very wealthy, very intelligent woman, and depending on who you ask, she's even mildly attractive. That said, what's up with Stedman? He's not getting ANY action (out of Oprah, anyway). You know why? Because Oprah has achieved what I like to call Antipenis Actualization(tm). She has come to the conclusion that as a successful, wealthy, intelligent and (depending on who you ask) mildly attractive woman, that she does not NEED dick to be happy.

And this realization, the act of Antipenis Actualization(tm), is dangerous - ESPECIALLY because the main proponent of Antipenis Actualization(tm) is Oprah. To quote Gin Rummy (of "Boondocks" fame): "Oprah Winfrey taps directly into the emotions, beliefs, buying habits and summer reading patterns of billions of women all over the world. Oprah Winfrey has the power to lay waste to entire industries with a mere utterance. She's a completely invincible unstoppable force of nature."

With a leader such as this, a serious, legitimate threat of female uprising is entirely possible.

Men of the world: not to be vulgar, but please fuck your women. Do 'em well. Cuz if you don't, they might turn to Oprah. And then, dear sirs, WE will be fucked.

And as my dear friend Waffles said: ({}) will be the Fall of Man.

Think about it.

And please, whatever you do.

Stay classy