Your Mom's Not Dead, Asshole!

Here's a sample conversation:

Bob: Ew Mike, you listen to Celine Dion, what a loser.
Mike: Shut the hell up, Bob, what do you do?
Bob: Your mom.
Mike: Dude. My mom's dead.

Every time I hear this, or something along those lines, I want to kick a baby. I absolutely hate when people say that crap. The whole intention of saying that your mother is dead is to say something that will stop the progression of your self-esteem getting annhilated. In order to do this, you try to make someone feel like absolutely epic shit, and you succeed for about five seconds. During those five seconds, however, you actually are an absolutely epic piece of shit - but only if your mother isn't actually dead. I once made a "your mother" joke to someone whose mother actually was dead and I spent the next week apologizing because I felt like shit. But that's neither here nor there.

It's just a dick move in general. Why would you say something like that just to win a stupidass argument? And moreover, how would you feel if, seconds after you said that your mom's dead but don't mean it, you got a call from the hospital saying your mom actually was dead? You'd feel like shit, and if the person who you just told your mom was dead was as much of a douche as you were, they'd laugh in your face.

Because, as we all know, karma's a bitch.

So . . .

Stay classy.