Get in the Freakin' Stroller!

I was recently at the Woodhaven Mall in Queens, which, like most malls in the country, is freakin' huge. You see all kinds of people in the mall - from creeped-out old guys that just sit on the benches watching the ladies walk by (or rather, watching the ladies' asses as they walk by) to single mothers with their three sisters pushing their kids around in strollers.

But there is one thing about malls - and crowded places in general - that pisses me the hell off. Before I say exactly what it is, let me lay down the logic of my anger first.

If you're in a tight area, such as in a crowded store or in a crowded subway car, wouldn't you want to try and take up as little space as possible? That makes sense, right?

Apparently not to half the people with strollers at the mall.

Countless times, I was forced to literally hop over small children (like hurdle them) because I was trying to get by and they were tottering along next to their mothers, holding onto EMPTY STROLLERS THAT THEY SHOULD'VE BEEN SITTING IN. I mean, have some freakin' consideration, mom! You know that it's gonna be a tight squeeze regardless, but do your part to make it less of an awkward leap over your child and more of an "excuse me, miss" for me, because almost every time I leapt over a kid the mom was like "what the fuck are you doing!?" all pissed and shit, which pissed me off because if your kid was in the freakin' stroller like he was supposed to be, instead of walking at about -5 miles per hour in front of me and blocking my way to where I'm trying to get (which is unimportant; it's the fact that I was being blocked by a toddler that pisses me off), I wouldn't have to jump over the little shmuck in the first place.

GET IN YOUR DAMN STROLLER FOOL!

And whatever you do . . .

Stay classy