A Long (and Long-Overdue) Rant

Readership, I apologize. I feel that I've been very on and off with you this month. Looking at the number of Observations for this month, and the spacing of them time-wise throughout the month, it doesn't seem like I've been so spotty, but I can't shake the feeling that I have.

But fear not! In this one day I've witnessed and read about several things that pissed me right the hell off, and thus, you're in for a muchly needed, long-overdue rant. Enjoy!

These past few months in the Tri-State area, it's been raining like a bitch. There have been miniature swamps that I've had to ninja over. And it's been sneakily heavy sometimes too, like a fat ninja (aka Finja). I'd be walking and suddenly HELLO FUCKING DOWNPOUR.

With this knowledge under our belts, I put the question to you: why do people wear FLIP-FLOPS WHEN IT'S RAINING CATS AND DOGS? Do you LIKE that dirty wet feeling between your toes, borne of rain and/or dirty ass puddles with dog shit and God knows what else floating in it?

Oh you do? Cool.

Secondly, people who air out their private business in very public places, like, I dunno, Facebook. There was this couple last year that I was friends with on Facebook (I won't name names, because I'm not an asshole), that was on again, off again, on again, off again - every few fucking days they were back and forth between "go fuck yourself!" and "I luv youuuu <333" and it was the most annoying thing ever. There was one status that the guy had, which was something like "I'm losing the one thing that means the most to me, and there's no way I can stop it." I can sympathize with that, because I've been there too.

But then the chick comes through talking all this shit, and he's trying to get a word in but she's just shitting on him again and again and again, until he was just like "I'm done." But of course, she kept going. I logged on Facebook and saw this fucking EPIC POEM and I thought to myself "seriously? what the fuck."

THE PHONE WAS INVENTED FOR A REASON. You don't wanna hear his/her voice? It'll cause too much pain? TEXT THAT BITCH/ASSHOLE. Jump on AIM. If you HAVE to be on Facebook, there's this lovely thing called Facebook Chat. It's like AIM, but on Facebook. And if you don't like that (and nobody does), there are always private messages you can send on Facebook.

Point is: DON'T AIR YOUR PRIVATE SHIT OUT IN PUBLIC, YOU'RE PISSIN' PEOPLE OFF.

Thirdly, courtesy of Carlos aka Pimp-C. There are a couple ways to see what's for dinner when you walk into a dining hall. One, depending on how the place is laid out, you might be able to see what's good for food from the door. Also, you could see what people have on their plates. Third, if you're possessed of a sensitive nose, you can sniff out what's cookin'.

There's one way, however, that you don't want to find out what's for dinner: by seeing it BEING CHEWED INSIDE SOMEONE'S MOUTH.

HEY! LLAMA-LOOKIN', MOUTH-BREATHIN' DOUCHEBAGS! CLOSE YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU CHEW! Ain't your momma taught you any better than that? Shit.

Lastly, this is probably one of the most annoying things that's happened to me this month. Tonight, I was in Monty's (the main dining hall on campus), making a sammich. The way they have the sammich-making area laid out is as follows: first, there's the bread. There's white, wheat, and some other weird brown shit, and then rolls (kaiser, hoagie, etc.). Then there's the meat (ha), which is usually ham, turkey and roast beef/corned beef. Then there's the cheese (American and Swiss, sometimes provolone too), and then the salad-ish shit (egg salad, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, etc.).

So. I had my bread, and I had grabbed my meat (ha), and I was going to grab some cheese, waiting in line behind this (kinda cute) girl. She smiled at me before she left with her sammich. I noticed this kid standing sort of awkwardly behind the two of us, not in line, and I was thinking "what the hell is this kid doing?" But I didn't give a fuck (per usual), so I went ahead and started grabbing my cheese. He slides in front of me grabbing some lettuce to put on his burger (like a bitch). I got a slice of provolone and two slices of Swiss (which were all in the same little receptacle), and then went to go grab some American cheese.

Then this motherfucker reached across me, underneath my arms and plate, to try and grab some shit behind me. I stopped dead and looked him dead in the eye. AND HE HAD THE NERVE TO LOOK AT ME AND CONTINUE. I was like "what the fuck dude." And he just sorta looked at me like I was a retard. AS IF THE RETARD WERE ME, NOT HIM!

THAT'S WHY THERE'S A LINE, DICK!

Whew.

Readership, again, I apologize for the spottiness of my shenanigans. I'll try to keep it more regular in the future. It'll be as if the blog started taking Benefiber.

Ha.

Stay classy