Stupid Commercials!

Readership, Waldy's Xbox has been bleeding quite profusely from its proverbial vagina these past few days, which has severely limited my ability to play Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto. Thus, I've been watching much more television than I was at this time last semester - or, indeed, at any other point in my college career.

Of course, with the increase in viewing hours of television, there comes an increase in the amount of commercials I see. And this means, as you well know from such Observations as this, this and this, that I've once again found a couple commercials that put me right on the train to Pissed the Fuck Off-ville.

First off, there's this one.

"Oh . . . not tonight sweetie, you've had Chef every night this week."

What the hell kind of mother serves her kid Chef Boyardee for dinner EVERY NIGHT? I assume that it's at least Wednesday (otherwise the mother would've said something along the lines of "you had Chef last night" if it was only Tuesday), so for at least two days this kid has eaten Chef Boyardee for dinner. I mean, the stuff is good, but it's not "eat it and only it" good.

Secondly, what the fuck is up with the kid? A can of Chef Boyardee - a can, moreover, that you held in your own hands in the store that is AT LEAST five miles away - just happens to roll through your doggie door and into your lap, and you just pick it up and SMILE? If that shit happened to me, I'd be like "WHOA WHAT THE FUCK WHERE DID THIS CAN COME FROM HOW'D IT GET HERE NINJAS COMMUNISTS WHAT'S GOING ON!?" The can is freakin' possessed - that's some shit straight out of a Steven King novel, and thus some shit that I just can't get down with.

Whew.

Secondly, EVERY commercial about saving abused animals and shit.

NOW LISTEN!

I love animals. All jokes aside, as soon as I have my own place, I'm getting a kitten and naming him Nigel. I've grown up around dogs and cats and parrots and shit. I genuinely love animals.

But to be perfectly honest, with the number of people that are homeless in America, or starving, and the children dying from easily-curable diseases and shit abroad - HUMAN BEINGS in need - I could give a fuck about these animals.

It's not because I'm heartless. Every time I see the commercial with the little kitten pawing at the camera with its big eyes I feel a little sad. But then I realize that there are other PEOPLE in far worse situations than the cat, and I get angry. Call me crazy (just don't call me Shirley), but I feel like we should be helping our fellow man before our fellow man's best friend.

Lastly, there's this bullshit. This commercial pisses me off for two reasons. One, the whole "Swine Flu" thing pisses me off, because of the vehement debates on either side of the issue. One side is all "HOLY FUCK WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE FROM SWINE FLU ZOMG WHATEVER WILL WE DO?" and the other side is all "you guys are retarded." And it pisses me off. I mean, the flu is serious. It DOES kill people every year. While the Swine Flu hasn't killed nearly as many people as the "regular flu," it still is killing people, which makes it dangerous. The fact that people are writing it off as a complete joke kinda pisses me off.

And secondly, what the hell fat kid? Could that sneeze have been ANY FAKER? I mean, I know you're in like second grade, but DAMN. Your acting is fucking TERRIBLE. You couldn't have found a kid who WASN'T a retard to do the sneeze? Shit.

Stay classy