Hamden Turns More Whacktastic with Every Passing Day

Seems I keep discovering ninja-readers of my blog. Last time it was JavaGrava, who responded with a "chya" to the question of "do you read my blog?" but refused to accept a shout out (if you read the previous post, you can see how well that worked. I did it anyway). Now, before I get into this next jount, I'd like to welcome Hannah aka H-Rose (I would say "aka Baby" but it would sound weird to the vast majority of those who wouldn't get the reference), who has also been secretly reading my blog, and even found herself in a situation outlined in a recent one of my posts, and had the awesome idea to text me about it and share her experience (in all seriousness, I laughed my ass off, that totally made my day haha). AND she welcomed the idea of a shout out, so there!
But anyway, welcome Miss. Quite a few shenanigans going on here.

Just watch out for Cletus.

Anyway.

So I'm back in bitchass Hamden, CT for spring break (fucking beaches here suck!) and I've already realized that this place is so much lamer than it was when I was here in high school. I mean, there were bomb threats and shit while I was in high school (there was one a week for about three weeks near the end of senior year), but now there are threats of driveby shootings? Seriously? With cops right in the plaza maybe thirty feet from the front door of the high school? That's just stupid - as are a bunch of the kids here, threatening to do multiple drivebys upon getting their licenses. As my friend Reggie noted about one of these idiots in particular, "'Some' drivebys? As if his dumb ass could even pull off one!"

I dunno, readership. I'm trying to do something with my life that would make Hamden proud of me - not for the recognition (although that would be nice), but to try and put Hamden on the map. But I look to Hamden's history, and some pretty fucking sweet shit went down here and STILL people that live three towns over don't know where the hell Hamden is and/or have never even heard of it.

I mean, Eli Whitney (see Cotton Gin and Assembly Line) was all up in this bitch back in the day, these three judges John Dixwell, Edward Whalley and William Goffe all chilled up in this cave near my house because they were hiding from the British after sentencing King Charles I to beheading (every one of those three guys has a prominent street named after them), and Ernest Borgnine was born here (the man has an Academy Award and a Golden Globe!). Guess what Ernest Borgnine got from Hamden? A bullshit twenty-by-twenty-foot "park" (aka a couple benches, a few small trees and a cobbled walkway) on the corner behind a bank on what I'm pretty sure used to be where people threw empty soda cans and shit. If that's what I'd get for a freakin' Academy Award AND a Golden Globe, I'm pretty much fucked in the recognition department. Good thing I don't care about that . . . ha.

It's even getting flak from the next city over, New Haven. There's a sign - and this is for real, no joke - on the Hamden/New Haven line. On the Hamden side, it says "Welcome to New Haven." But on the New Haven side, it doesn't say "Welcome to Hamden."

No.

It says "Leaving New Haven."

Well fuck you too, New Haven.

Freakin' Hamden. Bitch-made ass place.

Sigh.

Just gotta do what I always tell you to do . . .

Stay classy