The Menace That is "That Guy"

Hey everybody (I'm not gonna list you all this time. I'm too lazy. But I appreciate all fifteen of you!).

This is about the menace that is . . . "That Guy." You hear about "That Guy" all the time. You're heavily encouraged not to ever be "That Guy," sometimes even through force or coercion. And for good reason - being "That Guy" is akin to being an asshole-ish douchebag.

The worst thing about "That Guy" is that he (or she! "That Guy" is asexual; we just use the masculine form because it saves us from typing an extra letter and saying "That Girl") is everywhere. From your favorite restaurant to your place of worship, "That Guy" can and will rear his ugly head whenever the hell he wants.

I had an experience with "That Guy" at a birthday dinner for my dad last Saturday. We were at a Japanese Hibachi restaurant and there was this guy at the other table who, upon seeing the cook arriving, cleared his throat and said, "Umm . . . excuse me? I'd like no garlic, eggs, or butter in the fried rice. Thank you." Way to be "That Guy" ya prick. No garlic, eggs or butter in the fried rice? Those are the things that make it fuckin' awesome, asshole! So he done fucked it up for everybody. I mean shit, if you didn't want garlic or butter or eggs in the fried rice, get the fucking noodles and don't ruin it for the rest of us, ya buttfaced asstart!

Then there's "That Guy" Church Edition. You know what I'm talking about. The one guy who is always a verse behind EVERYBODY ELSE in the group prayers.

"Our Father (Our Father), who art in Heaven (who art in Heaven) . . . " Seriously, "That Guy"? I mean, it's not like the other hundred or so people can manage to stay together in the prayer - why the hell do you have to be a verse behind, ya douche?

Bleh. I'm kinda pissy when I'm sick.

Whatev.

Stay classy