Revelation on the Bowl

Readership, as I dropped a deuce today, I had a revelation.

While you can argue all day whether the mother of invention is ingenuity or necessity, at the end of the day, its father will ALWAYS be laziness.

An explanation? Oh of course. I'll go even further than just a mere explanation. I'll give examples.

But first, an explanation.

Inventing something new requires a few things. For one, it requires intelligence. This can be debated, but usually when something that's actually worth a damn gets invented, the inventor wasn't an idiot. The key phrase here is "actually worth a damn." I could invent a toothbrush with four heads and three bristles, and since there's nothing out there that can say it's a toothbrush with four heads and three bristles, it's a new invention. Is it worth a damn, though? Fuck no it's not.

Secondly, inventing something requires creativity. This one can't be debated - every single invention, by its definition, is borne of a thought or idea that is OUTSIDE the norm, aka creative. The Sun was nice, but only around during the day, and the idea of a night-light being anything but a candle or a fireplace was a ridiculous, almost asinine concept before Thomas Edison dropped the mindfuck of lightbulbery on the world.

Thirdly, inventing something requires perseverance. Keeping with the Thomas Edison example, his first lightbulb design was FAR from perfect - as were his second, third, fourth, hundredth, and ten thousandth designs. However, after ten thousand designs that sucked major donkey balls and failed completely, the winning design was invented and the lightbulb lived.

Now all that is well and good, but the SINGLE THING that every invention needs - the inciting incident, the catalyst, the spark - is, unequivocally, pure and utter laziness.

Now it's time to be makin' with the examples.

"I don't wanna have to use this bitchass abacus anymore. It takes too much effort." That led to the calculator.

"I'm sick of having to go out in the woods, cut down a tree, cut it up into logs for hours on end, and then throw it into the fire - JUST to have some heat and be able to cook my food!" Enter the heater and stove.

"Why do I have to use this got-damn stove - all that watching the stuff and making sure it doesn't burn takes hella effort." Hello microwave.

"I really don't wanna have to spend time writing a letter and then waiting for it to get to my homeboy across country." And so the telephone was invented.

Courtesy of Waffles: "'I'm so tired of chasing vagina.' And thus the girlfriend was invented.'"

He's kidding. Calm down.

But yeah. I can go on and on with this all day, but I think you've got the gist down. Every single thing that's been invented was invented due to the inventor's laziness, which just happened to be (ironically) coupled with a dedication and ingenuity that would not let them quit until the stimulus that brought on the need for said laziness was eradicated.

And that, readership, is what I think of while I'm taking a shit.

Stay classy