An Interesting Philosophical Question

Note: While this post operates on what I'll call "THE MAIN POINT" (which you'll see below), this is NOT a post against women, or a post degrading women. While I know in my heart of hearts that women (and more specifically, Vaginas) will bring on the end of the male half of the human race, the following bears no male chauvinistic hatred towards women, and is merely an observation and statement of an opinion which will (hopefully) make you laugh. End of commercial!

Readership, as a kgb_ Special Agent, I handle a lot of questions from the average American (and now, apparently the average UK resident as well). Some of them are normal, involving math, science, or English, or who starred in some movie. Others, however, are ridiculous. I'm not allowed to repeat the questions I find ridiculous outside of kgb_ because of the odd chance that the person who asked the question (technically in confidence with us at kgb_) will see their question and see me saying how ridiculous it was and feel bad and spread the word that kgb_ Special Agents are assholes and make us lose business, etc.

Anyway.

That said, every now and then, there's a question asked that is PURE GOLD, and as it happens, I have one such question currently, which I will put to you. I hope you're ready.

kgb_ customer: If you force sex on a hooker, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Yes.

That was my reaction.

But before I go any further, allow me to acknowledge that LEGALLY, this is rape. As in, if you were to force sex on a hooker, and were arrested, you would be charged with rape, not shoplifting. The following is more of an Observationalist view than a legal view on the subject.

That said, let us examine this question by first defining our terms "hooker," "rape," and "shoplifting."

Thanks to good ol' Dictionary.com we can easily find those definitions. I'll define them quickly for you.

Hooker - slang n. prostitute
Rape - n. the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse
Shoplifting - v. to steal (merchandise) as a shoplifter

Now, a hooker (or prostitute) renders sexual services for financial gain. Shoplifting (or stealing) entails getting services rendered or goods delivered and not enduring any (immediate) negative financial repercussions.

THE MAIN POINT: Hookers are criminals, and as such, give up most of their rights when they become hookers. That might sound fucked up, but to everyone who says "that's not right, Fred the Observer! You're fucked up man!" think about this: whenever you see a hooker, do you immediately try to befriend them? Or are you like "fuck this hooker, me and my bros/hos are gonna mess up her day!"? Of course you think the latter. Any responsible American would.

And I don't wanna hear shit about "ohh they have their children to feed and they're raising the kid by themselves cuz the baby daddy left" fuck that shit. If you weren't a loose hussy, you wouldn't have the kid in the first place, so having a kid is no reason to be a hooker (MAYBE a stripper, but not a hooker).

That said, I believe that forcing sex on a hooker is shoplifting. You're stealing a service that you'd normally pay for.

Fucked up? Perhaps. But you won't have to worry about any of this if you just do one simple thing.

What is that thing? Oh readership, you already know.

Stay classy