Joseph Must've Been PISSED

I was thinking today, and it hit me: Joseph (of "Jesus, Joseph and Mary" fame) totally got the shit end of the stick with the whole Jesus being born thing.

First off, Joseph's wife, Mary, gave birth to the savior of mankind - but the kid wasn't his. Just stop for a second and try to imagine that you have in your household the SAVIOR OF ALL MANKIND, and he came out of your wife, but he has no blood relation to you.

"Hey is that Jesus Christ, Son of Man and Savior of all Mankind?"
"Yeah, that's my boy."
". . . no it's not."

FAIL.

But even worse, from a stereotypical horny guy point of view, imagine this: an angel comes to your wife and says "Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. You're gonna give birth to God's son, and you'll name him Jesus." Your wife relays this to you - she's gonna give birth to GOD'S SON! I mean, we've come a long way with science and shit since Jesus' day, but we really haven't changed much when it comes to making a baby. P in Vajay is how it's done, and how it always WILL be done. So, Joseph is freakin' SOUPED, he's excited as hell, he's getting the bed all ready and whatnot - he's gonna bang his wife AND get mankind's savior out of the deal. It's a win-win.

Then he gets the bad news. The whole "having sex to make a baby" thing isn't gonna be needed for this. Now, Joseph is crestfallen. He's NOT going to father the savior of all mankind. This hits him pretty hard, but finally, he sees the silver lining: while he won't be able to be involved in the conception of Jesus, he WILL be able to have sex with Mary after Jesus is born. Who wouldn't want to be able to brag that they banged the woman who gave birth to the Son of God?

But wait. Bad news, addendum. She has to stay a virgin forever. Even after Jesus is born. And then, the whole "Virgin" title gets tacked on in front of Mary's name, and you can imagine how awkward that gets for Joseph after Jesus is born.

"'Virgin' Mary? Then how'd you get the kid?"
"She was inseminated spiritually by God."
". . . oh. So you didn't . . . y'know . . . do it?"
"Nope."
"And he's not your son?"
"Nope."
"Sucks to be you, bro!"
"Fuck you!"
etc. etc.

So yeah. This is the sort of thing I think about when I SHOULD be studying psychology and (funnily enough) theology.

I'm so going to hell.

Whatever.

Stay classy