Just Kick His Ass Already!

Little-known statistic: One in every four Americans act retarded. Props to Bovice for the statistical research. As many of you know (if you've been reading this for any span of time, anyway), I absolutely hate and despise people that act retarded. Now, notice how I said people that ACT retarded, not people that ARE retarded. I hate when people don't get that distinction (ironically enough, making them fall into the category of "people who act retarded," which, concurrently, is a category of people that I absolutely hate and despise).

But I digress.

In keeping with the opening paragraph of this rant, the following commercial series makes me quite pissed off. While this isn't necessarily the worst commercial in the series, or the commercial that pissed me off the most out of all of them, it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. The camel's back being the dam that held back my pissedoffery at this stupid fucking commercial.

But yeah.Watch it, let it sink in, and then read on.




How many fucking times does this kid have to hear it? THEY ARE FUCKING ROLLOVER MINUTES.

THEY DO NOT EXPIRE.

THEY DO NOT GET OLD.

It's not like they're FOOD, they don't SPOIL, they're MINUTES. It's fucking TIME, you idiot. The notion that time would have an expiration date is absolutely asinine, and so stupidly paradoxical that I might have to search this little prick out and kick his ass.

Once or twice, I can understand. The concept of rollover minutes is a little bit . . . miraculous, at first. Minutes that recycle over into next month? Oh hell yes.

But after the first couple times that your mom tells you that the minutes don't get old, that you don't need "new" minutes (and that's another thing - what in the monkeyfuck are "NEW" minutes?), you need to get it through your thick-ass head and fucking chill with asking for new minutes.

If the situation were different, I would've expected the mom to have whupped this little moron's ass already. I mean, if MY mom had told me that, for example, you can't touch flowers, and I kept doing it, she would've kicked my little ass. And this fucking idiot is at least 13-14 years old. When you're young, there's a little bit of what I like to call a "cute buffer" wherein because you're young and cute they'll let you get away with shit - to a point.

At 13-14 years old, though, you're just a dumbass.

Stay classy