I Refuse to Call it That, Ma'am

Okay, so tonight I was out with my friend Natalie and her boyfriend John (something I usually don't do - I last hung out with Natalie late last August and I usually don't participate in self-third-wheelification), and we went to Dairy Queen for some ice cream.

Now apparently there aren't any Dairy Queens in New York (according to my lovely lady Rebecca aka R n' R, anyway), so I dunno how many of you are familiar with Dairy Queen and their menu.

Anyway, we parked and went up to the window to look at the menu (which is in the window and is about seven or eight feet wide and about three feet tall). The names for the ice cream thingies are next to their respective pictures, and John made a very good point - they're all named some ridiculously queer shit.

For example, the Banana Cream Pie Sundae. Uh . . . seriously? Can you imagine ordering that?

"Hello, can I help you?"
"Uhh, yeah, I'd like a Banana Cream Pie."

You want a banana to cream pie on you? That's some borderline weird porno shit man.

Then there's the Xtreme Chocolate Blizzard Flavored Treat. What the fuck? John ordered it exactly as that - "Yeah, can I have an Xtreme Chocolate Blizzard Flavored Treat?" He sounded ridiculous, but it was hysterical because the chick that took the order (a high school classmate of mine and Natalie's) looked at him like he was insane.

It just seems like you're forced to order ridiculously-named shit in order to make you sound like a little kid. John even went so far as to say that people might be forced to actually order other things out of shame.

"Can I have the uh . . . SuperduperFudgeSundaeDeluxeHappyFuntimeTreat?"
"Excuse me sir?"
"Uhh, ahem, hot dog. I'd like a hot dog."

Fucking ridiculous.

Oh. And something that we thought someone should try. Go to Dairy Queen with a banana. Order a banana split, and ask for a discount because you have your own banana. Obviously this wouldn't work, but argue with the fucker for as long as you can anyway. Get it on tape and upload it to a video hosting site, and message me the link on Facebook, and I will give you eternal respect.

But whatever you do . . .

ROOT AGAINST THE METS!

And of course.

Stay classy