I've Had an Ephiphany

What's poppin' readership.

Literally two seconds ago, I had a freakin' epiphany - I've been rebelling against the English language since sixth grade. Allow me to explain.

In sixth grade, me and my homeslice Matt Borelli began adding the suffix "-abeth" to words - usually names. The first name we plundered was that of our classmate Bart Nevin, who became known forever as "Bartabeth." Then we did our own names. He became "Mattabeth" and I became "Fredabeth," a name that would stay with me as my AIM screen name (with "90" added at the end) until a few months ago, when AIM decided to bleed out of its metaphorical digital vagina and lock me out of that screen name. But still, PMS-ing AIM or not, "Fredabeth" was a big part of my life.

Then, there came the suffix "-onzolo," which was started by my homeslice Ivan and his bitchass sidekick Joe, and I just sort of got roped into it. They called me "Freddonzolo" (pronounced "Fred ON zoh loh"), and Ivan was "Ivanzolo," and bitchass Joe was "Joeonzolo." The school was "the schoolonzolo," the car was "the caronzolo," and the door was "the dooronzolo" (and that weird guy who wrangled all the carts at Stop and Shop was "Johnny Clang"). In the H-Town 'hood, "-onzolo" is quite prevalent still. But there's also another.

The most powerful suffix I've ever used has to be "-ski," which is as versatile as it is powerful. I can end any wordski I wantski toski withski "-ski," and even do large strings like I just didski, without it sounding stupidski. While some might feel that this is me making fun of Polish people, rest assuredski, that is not the case at all. This stems from my homeslice Jon "Broski" Marunich, who blessed me with the "-ski" in high school (that sounded a lot gayer than it was supposed to - which was not at allski).

Put simply, since I've understood the concept of suffixes and their power for rebellion, I've been suffix-rebelling it up.

So if you ever meet a Spelling Whore, Diction Commie or Grammar Nazi, you tell 'em that Fredabeth said to shut their mouthonzolos before he slaps his ballskis on their chins.

And whatever you do.

Stay classy